The Overcomer Life

How I Became Free

I used to believe that it was impossible to get free. I thought that I had to deal with depression forever. I thought I had to deal with anxiety forever. Hey – I even thought that I had to deal with fear forever. Well, I guess dealing with fear is true but that’s a different topic for another time. I didn’t think it was possible to be so full of joy and peace even when life and circumstances were spinning out of control while in the midst of losing everything. But at those low moments, I discovered who God really was. When everyone else had left, God had remained. Whether it was my own fault or someone else’s fault, God was still there. I may have pushed Him away at times, but He was always there waiting for me to come back. I’ve learned that God never leaves us. We’re the ones who leave Him. He’s the One who wants us to be saved, but we can reject Him and His goodness.

I had a wrong mindset that He was a scary God to talk to. I grew up with a humanly dad who ignored me whenever I did the right thing and wasn’t what a dad should be. My dad didn’t teach me how to ride a bike. My siblings did that and they got frustrated which is understandable knowing kids teaching kids how to do things. He never helped me with my homework or gave me advice that a dad usually does. I didn’t have a typical dad. So I took all of this into my own relationship with Father God. I thought that I didn’t need to talk to Him because I didn’t see the point then. All dads are the same, right? I was for sure wrong on this one and what a journey that was.

When I didn’t know how to follow Jesus or hear the voice of the Father, it became hard. I had no mentors who could help me. Any time I opened up with believers, they would leave and ignore. This was a cycle that went on for YEARS as a Christian. There I was again, more broken and another Family who rejected me. I had been rejected by my humanly family and now spiritual Family.

All that rejection would definitely ruin someone’s life. It did with mine. Rejection made me quit caring. Rejection made me give up. I stopped caring about my finances, to the point of losing a place to live. I stopped caring about my health. I was drowning in religion. I was dead inside with no way out.

I put on a pretty smile whenever I walked through the doors at churches but I was dead inside. Smiling became a chore to do but it became a survival trait. I needed to smile just to get by. Lying was always safer because people would always leave. There was no safe place.

At my deepest darkest point of my life, I found God. He was where I left Him. He taught me that I put on the pretty smile with Him as well, that everything was find even when it wasn’t. He spoke to my heart just how much He wanted to know ME, to really know me. I know He created me so of course He knows me more than I know myself but that’s not the point here. He wanted to KNOW me, not the kind of person that I let others to know. Not the cute version I tell others. Not just the good, but all the bad and ugly as well. He wanted me to express it ALL to Him. He wanted my heart. All the good, the bad, and the ugly of what was in the heart. That was what He was after. He wanted all of me.

This was the moment that I was discovering what true love really was. I began to feel joy and peace sincerely. My life was a complete mess but I often felt like I was wrapped up in a cloud. That’s when I discovered that love indeed changes everything. That’s when I discovered that His Word really is TRUE! Love bears ALL things and is patient, even patient enough to wait for a stubborn and lost child to return back to the Father. I was that prodigal child coming back to my Daddy God. That’s when I discovered what unconventional love really is. God is an AMAZING Father and He will always be there no matter what we do. He will always be waiting for us to see Him again.

Everything in the Be The Light Tribe is everything that I have learned since my darkest moments. Even when you’re in the lion’s den, it truly is ok once you realize Who you belong to. And besides, the lion’s den isn’t as bad when you know Who the Lion is and Who’s Den you find yourself to be in. Joy and Peace is possible no matter what our lives look like. My life is proof of that. I am His before anything on this earth.